Once I stood in the night
With my head bowed low
In the darkness as black as could be
And my heart felt alone and I cried oh Lord
Don't hide your face from me
Hold my hand all the way, every hour every day
Come here to the great unknown
Like a king I may live in a palace so tall
With great riches to call my own
But I don't know a thing
In this whole wide world
That's worse than being alone
New song I'm infatuated with, best sung (personal opinion) by the Peasall sisters. The other current song of infatuation is Good Man, by Josh Ritter. I'd probably marry it if you could marry songs, but Claire pointed out that if that was possible, knowing my love for music I would probably cheat on that song with another song, so it's good that you can't marry songs.
I have some growing up to do. I just think that's a fair overall statement. Maybe it's more that I just know there's a lot of growing that needs to be done, or that I desire to do. Good thing growing never stops, since things are always changing and the world is so huge. I never want to stop learning. I never want to think that people are uninteresting. I never want to forget the glorious nature of new discoveries. I never want to take for granted the gifts I've been given or the fact that Jesus is my Savior.
I want to be more passionate about the things I do. I want to treat my days with more urgency. I want to be genuine with everyone I meet. I want to take the time to enjoy the little things, and invite people to do that with me. I want to have decent, full of depth and substance, thoughtful conversations. I want to challenge my brain, whether that's with controversial issues or that glorious game of Scrabble. I want to play more music, and play more music well. I want to know how to encourage others well. I want to be able to empower others well. I want to ask the challenging questions that make other people think, but not be defensive. I want to be less influenced by movies and music, but still want to fall in love like they do. I want everyone to realize how glorious life is and the possibilities that are out there.
That's a lot of wants. Glad to have a God who knows my needs, since I don't think I know what those are. This entry is more personal than updative (yes I just made up that word), so for those of you wondering what's going down in Pullman, here you go:
A) The INN rocks my socks. We're planning an awesome worship evening for April.
B) God's Harmony, the Gospel Choir I joined, is awesome. I love singing with these people.
C) I don't want to think about the fact that I have a little over a month left here, because that is depressing. My host family is the best, and the students here are phenomenal.
D) It's snowing all the time. But I think my new favorite weather (quite possible, although sunny and humid is probably still at #1) is having it lightly snow while it is sunny. It just feels weird in that perfect kind of way.
E) I hate the fact that grad schools have paperwork you have to fill out. Can't they just read my mind or something ...
F) Game nights are the best. We played Signs for well over 2hrs, I'm pretty sure. Can you believe that technically counts as work for me?
G) Do I really have to leave this place? Can I bring everyone with me?
H) Sorry I don't have any pictures. As of late I've enjoyed drinking things in with my eyes, rather than my camera lens.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
Saturday, March 22, 2008
My Findings.
What a remarkable year this has been to date, and so much has culminated in the past 2 weeks. I will embellish further, but feel I might be writing a good deal, so here is an outline.
1) Nicaragua
2) Princeton Theological Seminary
3) What exactly does 'next step' mean ...
Nicaragua
What an experience. I honestly don't have words to fully describe and express how amazing this trip was. I'll include some photos, but my best of the trip are also found here: http://picasaweb.google.com/tenniscotty85/Nicaragua2008
I honestly didn't really enter into it with many expectations - generally how I like to roll on most things, since God's always got something interesting up His sleeve - other than it would be a good deal warmer than Pullman (true) and a heckuva lot of fun with all the people who went (also true). What I was blessed with was much greater than I could have imagined. A quick recap of what we were up to over our week was a modge podge of these things:
A) Helping out at an orphanage - cleaning, removing garbage
B) Helping to build bakery for the orphanage so that it has a stable income to support itself
C) Led an afternoon sports camp to play with kids in the Sandino neighborhood
D) Led a VBS at a church just down the street from the orphanage
E) Participated/learned from a local drama team that spreads the Gospel message through drama
What was most powerful to me was the reactions of the people we were serving with and working alongside. For the most part, the Nica's (Nicaraguans, local slang) we worked with have experienced American Missionaries before, and along with that the white hero stereotype of 'I'm bringing you knowledge and money, so listen up and hold out your hand' with some love coated thinly over the top, which happens all to often in my opinion. But our team was different for them - we came with ready hands and able feet, asking where to go and what to do. We were offering our services under their direction - I mean who knows what they need better than they do? We did construction with their direction - important because they have tools and skills accustomed to their resources, where we might be discouraged because we are spoiled with mechanics that make things easy, rather than using our brains to do some engineering. We learned how to spread the Gospel message unspoken, conveying through art and emotion the love God has for each person. We learned the games of the Nica children, and sang their songs - much better that they understand what they are singing than me try to teach them English they wouldn't be able to comprehend.
So there it is, a visit from the Psalms, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" How truly good and pleasant it is to see our Christian brothers and sisters, and serve them, encourage them, and empower them to press on and do what they do in Nicaragua. I often come to a controversial piece in my mind about short term missions, when if you ask a missionary what a short term mission is, they say 2-3 years. So what is a week long mission? It is a tease! It is a tease to us, who would love to stay longer. It is a tease to the orphans and children in the community, who want us to stay or take them with us. It is a tease to the few we are able to build relationships with, here one week and gone the next. Granted, it is a great way for people to meet people - to bridge the gap between what we hear about foreign affairs and actually meeting the people who live them. But here we refocus the vision of mission - coming to a community already established in Christ, we are a great cloud of witnesses, coming to run alongside and encourage our brothers and sisters in the race marked out for us. What can I possibly change by giving a week to the poor? What impact can I possibly have on a child whose hand I hold for one afternoon? But wait, when did this become about me? It is not about me, and God will use me as He pleases. I will go where you send me, and I will make the most of the time you have given me.
Walking the road between the orphanage and the local church for VBS. It's hard to fully grasp the two-thirds world staring you in the face, walking amidst real people and real poverty.
Working on anti-rust via lead paint on these beams. I may or may not have lost a few brain cells.
Diggin' ditches, something all buildings need. I guess. Look at these studs.
1) Nicaragua
2) Princeton Theological Seminary
3) What exactly does 'next step' mean ...
Nicaragua
What an experience. I honestly don't have words to fully describe and express how amazing this trip was. I'll include some photos, but my best of the trip are also found here: http://picasaweb.google.com/tenniscotty85/Nicaragua2008
I honestly didn't really enter into it with many expectations - generally how I like to roll on most things, since God's always got something interesting up His sleeve - other than it would be a good deal warmer than Pullman (true) and a heckuva lot of fun with all the people who went (also true). What I was blessed with was much greater than I could have imagined. A quick recap of what we were up to over our week was a modge podge of these things:
A) Helping out at an orphanage - cleaning, removing garbage
B) Helping to build bakery for the orphanage so that it has a stable income to support itself
C) Led an afternoon sports camp to play with kids in the Sandino neighborhood
D) Led a VBS at a church just down the street from the orphanage
E) Participated/learned from a local drama team that spreads the Gospel message through drama
What was most powerful to me was the reactions of the people we were serving with and working alongside. For the most part, the Nica's (Nicaraguans, local slang) we worked with have experienced American Missionaries before, and along with that the white hero stereotype of 'I'm bringing you knowledge and money, so listen up and hold out your hand' with some love coated thinly over the top, which happens all to often in my opinion. But our team was different for them - we came with ready hands and able feet, asking where to go and what to do. We were offering our services under their direction - I mean who knows what they need better than they do? We did construction with their direction - important because they have tools and skills accustomed to their resources, where we might be discouraged because we are spoiled with mechanics that make things easy, rather than using our brains to do some engineering. We learned how to spread the Gospel message unspoken, conveying through art and emotion the love God has for each person. We learned the games of the Nica children, and sang their songs - much better that they understand what they are singing than me try to teach them English they wouldn't be able to comprehend.
So there it is, a visit from the Psalms, "How good and pleasant it is when brothers live together in unity!" How truly good and pleasant it is to see our Christian brothers and sisters, and serve them, encourage them, and empower them to press on and do what they do in Nicaragua. I often come to a controversial piece in my mind about short term missions, when if you ask a missionary what a short term mission is, they say 2-3 years. So what is a week long mission? It is a tease! It is a tease to us, who would love to stay longer. It is a tease to the orphans and children in the community, who want us to stay or take them with us. It is a tease to the few we are able to build relationships with, here one week and gone the next. Granted, it is a great way for people to meet people - to bridge the gap between what we hear about foreign affairs and actually meeting the people who live them. But here we refocus the vision of mission - coming to a community already established in Christ, we are a great cloud of witnesses, coming to run alongside and encourage our brothers and sisters in the race marked out for us. What can I possibly change by giving a week to the poor? What impact can I possibly have on a child whose hand I hold for one afternoon? But wait, when did this become about me? It is not about me, and God will use me as He pleases. I will go where you send me, and I will make the most of the time you have given me.
Walking the road between the orphanage and the local church for VBS. It's hard to fully grasp the two-thirds world staring you in the face, walking amidst real people and real poverty.
Working on anti-rust via lead paint on these beams. I may or may not have lost a few brain cells.
Diggin' ditches, something all buildings need. I guess. Look at these studs.
Maria - a favorite at the VBS. Great hugger. Most Nica's are though I guess.
Hangin' with the guys. Nothin' like a t-rex in Nicaragua to get your juices flowing.
Hangin' with the guys. Nothin' like a t-rex in Nicaragua to get your juices flowing.Princeton Theological Seminary
Alright, it's official. I've sent in my confirmation and housing deposit. Up next, PTS and New Jersey here I come. I guess moving to Pullman was my baby step in moving east. The last post I left on this blog expressed my confusion in where to be next year. The week prior to Nicaragua, I was in a whirlwind of unknowns and busyness, thinking I had stopped to think about my decisions and had conversations discussing it with a handful of people, but not until my 4-hr layover in SeaTac did I understand I hadn't really thought it through much at all. Each conversation I had was more of a defensive stating God could have me anywhere He wants me next year, saying each opportunity has it's own benefits that seem too good to pass up. But what is it I need? Where is it that I need to go? After a few interesting and humbling observations from analyzing my life, I believe it is in fact Princeton. So it's a good thing my mom picked up a key chain for me when she visited last year.
What DOES 'the next step' mean?
Life keeps changing. It's good I'm a fan of change or I would be completely fed up by now. But where does this internship and this new school lead me? How do you balance good long distance relationships with friends and family? This year has felt kind of like a filler in some ways for my home-based friendships, that this is a temporary and I'll be back in no time. But that isn't true, and why do I try to convince myself of that? Why do people have to be so amazing and so hard to keep in touch with? I LOVE so many of the people I've met this year as well, and how do I continue those well? And who knows who I have yet to meet next year ... people people people, why does this world have to be so amazing, and why did God have to make each person so unique and fantastic. We really need to get teleportation down, that would make life a whole heckuva lot easier. And cheaper.
Alright, it's official. I've sent in my confirmation and housing deposit. Up next, PTS and New Jersey here I come. I guess moving to Pullman was my baby step in moving east. The last post I left on this blog expressed my confusion in where to be next year. The week prior to Nicaragua, I was in a whirlwind of unknowns and busyness, thinking I had stopped to think about my decisions and had conversations discussing it with a handful of people, but not until my 4-hr layover in SeaTac did I understand I hadn't really thought it through much at all. Each conversation I had was more of a defensive stating God could have me anywhere He wants me next year, saying each opportunity has it's own benefits that seem too good to pass up. But what is it I need? Where is it that I need to go? After a few interesting and humbling observations from analyzing my life, I believe it is in fact Princeton. So it's a good thing my mom picked up a key chain for me when she visited last year.
What DOES 'the next step' mean?
Life keeps changing. It's good I'm a fan of change or I would be completely fed up by now. But where does this internship and this new school lead me? How do you balance good long distance relationships with friends and family? This year has felt kind of like a filler in some ways for my home-based friendships, that this is a temporary and I'll be back in no time. But that isn't true, and why do I try to convince myself of that? Why do people have to be so amazing and so hard to keep in touch with? I LOVE so many of the people I've met this year as well, and how do I continue those well? And who knows who I have yet to meet next year ... people people people, why does this world have to be so amazing, and why did God have to make each person so unique and fantastic. We really need to get teleportation down, that would make life a whole heckuva lot easier. And cheaper.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Tomorrow.
That is a rather profound word. 'Tomorrow' makes me think of these things:
A) A song found in 'Annie'
B) A theme of one of the parks within Disneyland
C) The future
D) Nicaragua
E) James Bond, 007
Okay, so maybe it's not such a profound word as it is a rather profound statement in my life right now. Basically, only C and D really apply, no matter how much I wish that B did ... Tomorrow the INN @ WSU is taking 19 students down to Nicaragua for about a week to serve a local community just outside of Managua. I really have no idea what to expect, however I am insanely excited about having the chance to go. The only downer being I'm in the midst of a cold, and we all know airplanes and colds do not play well together. OH goodness.
Tomorrow, as defined by C, is very confusing as of late. I don't really want to go into details here, I feel that God has really opened up doors for next year, and I just don't know which one to walk through. The options are great. I just need to be herded. They say the road is narrow, but it's feeling a little too wide recently. I've got some thinking to do. And thankfully some traveling as well. Which tends to give me lots of thinking time. We'll, come on tomorrow, let's see what you've got.
A) A song found in 'Annie'
B) A theme of one of the parks within Disneyland
C) The future
D) Nicaragua
E) James Bond, 007
Okay, so maybe it's not such a profound word as it is a rather profound statement in my life right now. Basically, only C and D really apply, no matter how much I wish that B did ... Tomorrow the INN @ WSU is taking 19 students down to Nicaragua for about a week to serve a local community just outside of Managua. I really have no idea what to expect, however I am insanely excited about having the chance to go. The only downer being I'm in the midst of a cold, and we all know airplanes and colds do not play well together. OH goodness.
Tomorrow, as defined by C, is very confusing as of late. I don't really want to go into details here, I feel that God has really opened up doors for next year, and I just don't know which one to walk through. The options are great. I just need to be herded. They say the road is narrow, but it's feeling a little too wide recently. I've got some thinking to do. And thankfully some traveling as well. Which tends to give me lots of thinking time. We'll, come on tomorrow, let's see what you've got.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Refreshed.
First things first:
Typhoid? Check.
Malaria? Check.
Tetanus booster? Apparently, check. And ow.
Had my visit to the doctor, so all who may have been worried - thank you - and have no fear, I shouldn't be coming back with anything too severe or damaging to my health. But only time will tell, right? hmmm ...
Anyway, I have to tell you that God works, and that God does answer prayer. Yes, yes you've all heard that before, but I'm not joking. I have recently been more fired up and encouraged by students to create a opportunity of intellectual dicussion about social justice issues in the world. It's something that I wanted to do at the beginning of the year, but I didn't find students who were excited about it, and it's difficult to generate interest with something that has no initial interest. But hark! By random circumstances and happenstance I stumbled upon a group of people from the new church plant Resonate called Activate - doing exactly what I have been dreaming into existence yesterday evening. They were showing the film 'Ararat' and had a discussion to follow - nothing like a movie about the Armenian genocide in Turkey to get your blood flowing, and the passion for the people of the world to steam up once again.
Friends, I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to sit and watch this movie - don't get me wrong, it was pretty depressing, I mean it's genocide, and a nation that still won't admit it happened. But this is what I choose to do on my Friday nights. This is what I would prefer to do with just about ALL my Friday nights. Talk about the issues, discuss the atrocities that we as Americans have become ignorant about, be overcome with passion and compassion for the people of the world, discuss our responsibility as Christians and perhaps simply as Americans. To talk about this with college students, to dream big about intergenerational movement, empowerment to make a difference in this world that is still so full of turmoil, and yet so easily hidden from view here in Pullman. My heart ACHES for the apathetic and unknowing people of this campus, who choose to live in their own bubble of selfdom, conquered by the success mosquito that is sucking their money, time and purpose into an empty bottomless pit. If every single person chose to daily change the way they live in order to not live for themselves, to know about the world around them, and consider the way we can positively impact the lives of others, how would the world change?
Oh, and check out this sunset. Yes, Palouse, you have a part of my heart.
Typhoid? Check.
Malaria? Check.
Tetanus booster? Apparently, check. And ow.
Had my visit to the doctor, so all who may have been worried - thank you - and have no fear, I shouldn't be coming back with anything too severe or damaging to my health. But only time will tell, right? hmmm ...
Anyway, I have to tell you that God works, and that God does answer prayer. Yes, yes you've all heard that before, but I'm not joking. I have recently been more fired up and encouraged by students to create a opportunity of intellectual dicussion about social justice issues in the world. It's something that I wanted to do at the beginning of the year, but I didn't find students who were excited about it, and it's difficult to generate interest with something that has no initial interest. But hark! By random circumstances and happenstance I stumbled upon a group of people from the new church plant Resonate called Activate - doing exactly what I have been dreaming into existence yesterday evening. They were showing the film 'Ararat' and had a discussion to follow - nothing like a movie about the Armenian genocide in Turkey to get your blood flowing, and the passion for the people of the world to steam up once again.
Friends, I cannot tell you how refreshing it was to sit and watch this movie - don't get me wrong, it was pretty depressing, I mean it's genocide, and a nation that still won't admit it happened. But this is what I choose to do on my Friday nights. This is what I would prefer to do with just about ALL my Friday nights. Talk about the issues, discuss the atrocities that we as Americans have become ignorant about, be overcome with passion and compassion for the people of the world, discuss our responsibility as Christians and perhaps simply as Americans. To talk about this with college students, to dream big about intergenerational movement, empowerment to make a difference in this world that is still so full of turmoil, and yet so easily hidden from view here in Pullman. My heart ACHES for the apathetic and unknowing people of this campus, who choose to live in their own bubble of selfdom, conquered by the success mosquito that is sucking their money, time and purpose into an empty bottomless pit. If every single person chose to daily change the way they live in order to not live for themselves, to know about the world around them, and consider the way we can positively impact the lives of others, how would the world change?
Oh, and check out this sunset. Yes, Palouse, you have a part of my heart.
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